Attack of the Killer Donuts (2016)

Booze: Jelly Donut Martini
1.5 oz Chambord
1.5 oz Marshmallow vodka
Bailey’s Almande

Wet the rim of your martini glass and dip in powdered sugar. Shake Chambord and vodka over ice and pour into glass, add Bailey’s to fill.

B-Movie: Attack of the Killer Donuts

This movie is exactly what you’d expect from that title. A couple of kids (I’m using that term loosely, since Johnny looks like he’s about 30 and even more confusing, his mom looks about 35) who work in a donut shop end up having to save their town from an attack of mutant, bloodthirsty donuts after Johnny’s uncle accidentally drops his reanimation serum in the donut fryer. Hey, accidents happen!

Best Line:
“You ignorant toad!”

Biggest Laugh:
Mrs. Scolari’s cat, who I believe is named Whiskers McFur. Why, oh, why didn’t this cat get more screen time?

Best Time to Freshen Your Drink:
When Tom the Perp finally bites the dust (not when he bites the donut). Unless you are really into gross-out humor, this scene is best skipped in favor of more libations.

Take a Drink Whenever:

  • Someone eats a donut
  • Homeless Jack shows up
  • Cops Rogers and Hammerstein make an appearance (Stay gold, Ponyboy!)
  • Whiskers McFur makes his screen debut. (If you haven’t figured it out by now, this particular drinking game mostly exists so I can point out the ridiculous names of these characters. Feel free to yell them out as you drink)
  • Someone succumbs to death by donut

Finish Your Drink When:
The donuts are finally defeated. Or are they???

Cocktail Rating:  1/2
This was good! The drinks with the original Bailey’s taste less like a jelly donut, or so I’m told, but the Almande has just the right consistency for the raspberry flavor to come through without overpowering the rest of the drink. And the powdered sugar rim is a fun touch.

Movie Rating: 🐝🐝🐝
A solid 3. The actors give just the right amount of over-the-top schlock, the killer donuts are adorable, and with a running time of 98 minutes, it isn’t too painful to sit through (assuming you leave the room for the perp’s death. Ick.)