Booze: Megalodon VS Crocodile Kiss
That’s right! This week, we’ve got 2-2-2 drinks for the price of one!* Place your bets on which monster will emerge victorious, and then mix your drinks accordingly!
1 oz white rum
1 oz blue curacao
1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz blackberry syrup
Club soda fill
1.5 oz coconut rum
1.5 oz Midori
1.5 oz raspberry schnapps
Pineapple juice fill
*Technically not true, since you have to purchase all the ingredients to make them both, but still. 2 drinks!
B-Movie: Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus
This is your typical low-budget monster flick, with the obligatory former child-star, in this case Family Matters’ Jaleel White. That’s right. When faced with certain death in the form of a giant shark AND a giant prehistoric crocodile, have no fear. Urkel will save you. Either that, or he’ll spend a lot of time whining about how he’s THIS CLOSE to finishing the work on his hydro-ponic/sonic** spheres! If those monsters would just give him one goddamn second, he’d be done by now! But Crocosaurus has eggs to lay—many, many eggs. As one character points out, it would be physically impossible for one creature to lay this many eggs in this short amount of time. But no worries. It turns out that this is an evolutionary adaptation, so we’re totally on solid ground, science-wise. And Mega Shark has to eat said eggs. So now we’ve got a PROBLEM. Enter Jaleel White as our resident shark expert and an arch-nemesis from his past (due to a conflict we’re never made clear on), and fuzzy Pierce Brosnan look-alike as our croc guy. Together, they can fix this! Because they know stuff. About sonic and sharks. And maybe eggs? If nothing else, they’re definitely going to attempt to make it look like they tried.
**Pretty confident it should be hydro-sonic, but just as certain I heard him say ‘hydro-ponic’ at least once. Which is a totally different thing.
“Either dig deeper and tell me you love me or get rid of the cuffs and I’ll find it myself.” (That’s what she said.)
Nigel threatens to shoot a kid in the head
Best Time to Freshen Your Drink:
Random guy fishing on a rock. We’ve never seen him before, we’re not going to see him again. Yes, he’s going to get eaten but it’s a boring kill and you need more liquor.
Take a Drink Whenever:
- Jaleel White refers to his shark-repelling spheres
- Someone refers to Shark Man or Croc Man
- Your monster (drink) of choice makes a kill
- Your monster (drink) of choice appears to change size from one scene to the next
- Hutchinson barks an order
- Someone says Butowski’s name. BUTTowski!
- The crew manages to transport themselves to another city/country in a matter of seconds
- The mega shark and the crocosaurus battle!
Finish Your Drink When:
The battle is fini. You thought I was going to say “when _______ emerges victorious,” didn’t you? Sorry, no spoilers here! Except, you know, all the ones in the description and the drinking game.
One of my favorites!
Crocodile Kiss –
A solid runner-up, just a smidge too sweet. Needs a bit of tweaking, but not much. Perhaps another shot of rum?
Movie Rating: 🐝🐝1/2
I honestly expected more from an Asylum film, though I’m not sure what that says about me. I love the Sharknado franchise, precisely because of how far they are willing to push the absurdity. This was just, meh. CGI was bad, but not funny-bad. The characters were stupid, but not stupid enough that we could root for their deaths. Even Jaleel White couldn’t save this, though to be honest I wasn’t really expecting Jaleel White to save much of anything. Where is Debbie Gibson when you need her?