14
Apr
Off

Prom Night (2008)

Booze: Pink Vodka Slush
2 cups vodka
I can frozen pink lemonade concentrate, thawed
1 2 liter bottle Sprite or 7-up

Pour contents into an ice cream bucket and freeze overnight, or until slushy. Scoop slush mixture into glasses and top with more soda. (We used ginger ale)

B-Movie: Prom Night (2008)

I need to start by saying this is not the original Prom Night, with Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen. This is the 2008 remake, which was supposed to be worse. I thought worse meant better. I was wrong. This Prom Night may be the laziest horror movie I’ve ever seen. Our main character is Donna, and you will quickly learn to identify Donna as the character who does nothing smart or proactive the entire film. Donna’s signature move is hiding under the bed with her hands clamped over her mouth, which she rolls out pretty quickly as the movie opens on her entire family being slaughtered by her biology teacher, who has developed an unhealthy obsession with her. As opposed to a healthy obsession, I guess? After witnessing the trauma, Donna goes to live with her aunt and uncle, who are determined to let her have one normal evening, her senior prom. Normal in this case means letting Donna spend the night with her boyfriend in a hotel suite the size of my house and doing nothing to protect her or even contact her when they hear that the crazed serial killer has escaped from prison. Whatever. I’m not judging. Everyone has their own parenting techniques, and I guess no one is ever going to accuse Aunt Karen of being a helicopter aunt. But as you probably guessed, leaving Donna and her friends blissfully unaware of any danger means crazy old Mr. Fenton can roam the hotel at will, picking off unsuspecting prom-goers left and right. Which totally makes sense. I mean, it’s Prom. So of course each teen needs to go back to their hotel room approximately 17 times. And always alone, because as we all know, teens like to be independent. And if you’re wondering why the cops don’t lock down the hotel to catch this guy, I assure you that no self-respecting law enforcement agent is going to ruin SENIOR PROM! They aren’t MONSTERS!

Best Line:
I can’t think of any. The dialogue in this is not good, or memorable.

Biggest Laugh:
The ending. After all her struggles, Donna nearly dies in the most hilarious way possible. If it had actually happened, I would have given this movie a much higher rating.

Best Time to Freshen Your Drink:
The boring sequence when Donna and Bobby are discussing their future. Unless you care about which colleges these insipid teens have chosen. Spoiler alert—you won’t.

Take a Drink Whenever:

  • Someone gets murdered
  • Donna hides under a bed and/or holds her hands over her mouth
  • Someone says Claire’s name
  • Someone says a room number (This happens so often I started to wonder if there was some hidden meaning to it)
  • Someone opens a closet and the POV switches to the closet interior. CLOSET SHOT!
  • You correctly predict what happens next (You’re going to get bombed on this one)
  • You finally figure out who won Prom Queen. It’s much too late to matter, but since this is the only plot point in the movie that manages to generate any kind of suspense, it deserves its own drink.

Finish Your Drink When:
Donna nearly dies (by accident this time). Celebrate what might have been!

Cocktail Rating: 
These were super! They’d be even better sitting on a patio on a summer night. Definitely a keeper.

Movie Rating: 🐝🐝
There are good/bad movies and there are bad/bad movies. This was worse: it was boring/bad. The acting was good, the production values were higher than I was expecting. And yet, nothing memorable happens. It’s as if whoever was responsible just took every horror movie cliché, lined them up in the film, and then didn’t do a single thing to try and make the movie special. No twists. No surprises. Literally nothing unexpected. My twelve-year-old successfully laid out the entire ending sequence before it happened, and he doesn’t even watch horror movies. Worse, since we know the killer from the very beginning, there’s no suspense. Every time they introduced a new character, we’d have a brief flicker of hope that maybe he/she would end up being the killer. But then we’d remember that we’d already seen Fenton murder a bunch of people and we would sink back into our vodka slush, miserable and bored. I’m feeling generous though, so I’m going to up my original 1 B rating to 2, mostly because screaming at Donna to stop being stupid and to do something! anything! toward the end of the movie became its own form of entertainment.

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