21
Jul
Off

The Time Travelers

Booze: Shocking Strawberry Daiquiri

1.5 oz white rum

Juice from half a lime

1 oz simple syrup

Muddled strawberries

Poprocks to rim glass

Dip rim of glass in simple syrup, then in poprocks. In cocktail shaker, muddle sliced strawberries, then combine with lime juice, simple syrup, rum, and ice. Shake and strain into poprock rimmed glass.

 

B-Movie: The Time Travelers

A 1964 sci-fi flick about a trio of scientists and their office lackey, Danny, who accidentally open a time-travel portal and end up in the barren wasteland that is 2071. They only mean to look into the future, but what with all the knobs and levers and the extra power cables that Danny smuggled them in the hopes of bedding girl-scientist Carol, they somehow manage to dissolve the screen and step through it. Of course, the portal immediately collapses, stranding them in the future with no means of returning to their own time. Curiously, none of them seem much bothered by this fact. Either they have no friends or family to speak of, or they just all happen to be really adaptable. Except for Danny. He’s just an idiot. After they are attacked by mutants, they are befriended by the last colony of humans and their android slaves, who treat them to some long-winded scientific explanations, a tour of their android laboratory, and an orange-growing demonstration. But it’s not all fun and light-up keyboards in the future. Apparently, the colony is almost out of food, and the mutants are getting pissed at being treated like second-class citizens and are planning to attack. The colonists are putting the final touches on a rocket that will take them to Alpha Centauri, or New Earth, as they like to call it, but unfortunately, there’s no room for our heroes on board. So they can either stay behind and die, or build another portal to who-knows-where, step through it, and maybe die. Guess which one they choose?

 

Best Line: It has to be from Danny, so I’m going with “If there’s one thing I do know, it’s what an electric shock feels like.” Which sums up all you need to know about Danny’s level of intelligence. But in case you’d like more evidence, I offer his response to Reena telling him beauty is only skin deep: “That’s deep enough, isn’t it? What do you want, a lovely liver?”

Biggest Laugh:

When Varno wants to show off his new experiment and tells Doc he needs a guinea pig, they both pivot to look at Danny. We were all thinking it.

Best Time to Freshen Your Drink:

When the crew visits the android body parts lab. Like Santa’s Workshop, only with eyeballs. It’s . . . unique is maybe the word I’d use? But not exactly crucial to the plot. And it goes on for a while.

Take a Drink Whenever:

  • Danny hits on someone
  • Steve says “lasah beam”
  • Danny says “Holy McKee!” (Totally normal to yell out your own surname in surprise. I do it all the time)
  • Doc puts on his monocle
  • The crew faces an impossible choice, ie “If we do this and fail, we die. But if we don’t do it, we’re going to die anyway.”
  • Gadra or Varno gives a science lecture
  • The racist undertones of the humans’ treatment of the mutants makes you uncomfortable

Finish Your Drink When:

They somehow solve their time trap problem by stepping into a black void that leads 100.000 years into the future. I didn’t understand it myself, but after finishing two daiquiris, I also didn’t care.

Cocktail Rating: 🍸 🍸 🍸 🍸 🍸

So delicious! One of my very favorite drinks. Fresh and light and much too easy to drink! The poprocks were a fun touch.

Movie Rating: 🐝 🐝1/2

So-so as far as B-movies go. Danny was a hoot and the androids were creepy, but after the initial ‘scientific experiment gone wrong!’ trope, there isn’t much plot. It felt less like a movie and more like a 1960’s walk through a Future World exhibit at Disney. I should note that we watched the MST3K version, which added some levity that would have otherwise been missing, which is why I’m giving this an extra half B. Without the riffs, I think this would have been a bit of a snooze.

 

 

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